With that… here is my contribution for the moment…

Success is about masterminding your reality. Blah Blah…

Statements of reality such as, “I am a failure” go directly into your mind as a path statement of how to be. A directive to be a failure. “I am a success.” Is also a path statement that guides your psyche where you want it to be. A directive to be a success. Although let me add that your directives formed in present tense shouldn’t be vague… like, “I am a success.” … whatever that means.

For many, I am sure when they say to themselves, “I am a success.” that they feel as if they are lying. And they are. They aren’t REALLY a success… not today… not yet.

Have you ever heard the phrase, “Fake it till you make it?” Of course, we all have. Well, everyone at some point is a nobody (typically it starts at birth). Those who became some bodies didn’t get there by accident. Even princes and heirs to large fortunes start out as nobodies. Famous or rich doesn’t make them a somebody! You can’t be born a somebody. We all start with the same blank slate of nothingness and are shaped into being a somebody. Perhaps some of us are gifted in some ways to realize our ’somebodyness’ sooner or quicker or easier than others. Some might get lucky to have a great parent or mentor that empowers them with understanding that allows them to grasp onto their ’somebodyness’ before the rest of us.

My message to you is, Be a somebody, today! It’s a choice not a process. You have nothing to learn to be a success other than how to believe you are (a success), when you really aren’t. It will feel odd at first to affirm what you feel is a lie. I will tell you however, that the only way is to first lie to yourself… believe the lie… and over time the lie will become reality.

Others say this same thing in different ways… They call these statements “Affirmations”… and tell people they aren’t lies, just statements of truth yet revealed…. LOL… that sounds like a bunch of hog wash to me. It is a lie. And I am calling it what it is. A Lie. But, there is no denying that weather you call it a lie or an Affirmation… IT WORKS!

To succeed, we must first conceive of what it is we want to be.
Second, desire to believe it is possible.
Third, tell ourselves we are what we want to be (lie).
Forth, believe the lie is true. Over time and as we pretend to be what it is we want to be… we will begin to believe we are.
Fifth, realize we are truly what we dared to conceive.

Once there… we’ll realize we were there all the time… and that it REALLY wasn’t a lie at all when we told our self what it was we wanted to be. It WAS the truth all along… we just felt it was a lie.

There are all kinds of fancy physical and metaphysical mumbo jumbo that swami’s and guru’s talk about… how time as we grasp it does not exist and that all things exist simultaneously, that it is our grasp of reality (our perceptions of those things around us) and not reality itself that is what we live in. Oh wow… the bottom line is… we have to start some place. We have to take baby steps, before it makes sense… and the first place and best place to start…

A- Ask yourself what it is you want. B- Tell yourself you are that person who has those things… in a statement of current tense. IE. “I am loved. I am beautiful. I am powerful. I am strong. I am positive. I am grateful.”

And if these are things you want, but don’t actually believe these things are true…. then LIE!

I wish you the very best… you are a success.

So, I was sitting there listening to the discussion and I was just about asleep from boredom. As I often do to keep myself awake I piped up and shared my thoughts on the topic. Here are the 4 main thoughts I shared:

#1- Personally, I recognize God as the giver of all things. You might see it as karma, yin/yang, circle of life, the universe, or the laws of physics (how energy works). To me it is God and God is/controls all of these things. There is balance in all things… I didn’t say life was “fair” in a subjective, limited perception kind of way… but, life IS ALWAYS fair in an objective, balanced, higher purpose kind of way.

So, as good things or bad things happen it’s important to be grateful for what we have and the experiences we have.

#2- It could be worse! I recall my grandpa when I was a child putting a fine point on this issue, which was hard for his 8 year old grandson to understand back then. As children often do I was in a hurry to get places, fell down and skinned my knee in the process. Grandpa Walker glanced over at me with his wicked smile and said, “Want me to step on your toe so your knee will feel better?” Obviously not the most loving of statements a grandfather might say to his grandchild, however, there was no doubt that grandpa loved me. He just had a special way of showing it. Upon his passing the phrase, “Diamond in the rough” was etched on his marker.

What a lesson this great man was trying to teach his grandson. His world growing up was the Great Depression, hard times, and real bad lives for many. It took thick skin to keep ones chin up and he was passing on a lesson that I value deeply. I am in no small part who I am today because of him.

When we think life is rough, we need to really look at what we have and realize that we always have things to be grateful for, even if what we are grateful for is that things aren’t any worse than they are.

#3- If you don’t appreciate what you have, why should you be given anything more? This is where God and karma come into play. You’ve likely heard the concepts of Living Abundantly, Laws of Attraction, Power of Positive thinking, etc. You may have heard about “The Secret.” Well, the very nexus of this whole concept is that without gratitude, without a grateful heart, without appreciation for what we have – we won’t be ‘given’ anything more than we already have.

Wallowing in self-pity is the best way to stay right where you are. Celebrating our Abundant lives is the best way to find our dreams, hopes, desires becoming reality.

#4- As I see it… this life is a path to self-improvement. The only way to improve who we are is to work on those areas we find hard: Self-control, financial management, optimism… etc. How does a diamond become the hardest and most valuable gem? Not by just slinking along as a pile of sludge for eons and boom one day it automatically transforms into a beautiful diamond. Nope… it is only through intense pressure and heat that a nasty black crumbly carbon material is transformed into something so awesome and precious.

…

I know we all have our ups and downs and our challenges… but, if we face unafraid the pressure and heat of the moment we will come through the other side a far better person. Face your fire with determination to conquer and over come! When you walk through the other side you may be blistered from head to foot… but don’t you dare complain… put a smile on and be glad that my grandpa didn’t step on your toe!

My Challenge To You: Wake every morning and say, “BRING IT ON, BABY! BRING IT ON!”

Call it what you want, but the key to a happy and full life is to create a sense of contentment and appreciation for those things you have and the lessons you have learned, while keeping in mind during the toughest of times that the point isn’t the pain or difficulty but the strength gained and the strength you’ll ultimately be able to share with others.

Let me start by saying that many many years ago I recognized in myself the need for approval from my peers. I became consciously away of my “Addiction” to constant approval of each thing I did, from family or friends. I craved validation.

I realized that I was choosing (subconsciously) to live my life based on the perceptions others had of me. In short, I cared what they thought. In about the 9th grade (15-16 years old) I started a journey of personal revolution. For my parents and teachers it was something entirely perplexing.

I consciously made the decision that I no longer cared about social norms or perceived rights and wrongs or cultural niceties. I was going to live however, I deemed was right. Setting my own limits regardless of others perceptions.

Now, honestly I couldn’t have concisely expressed, as I am now, what it was I wanted to accomplish back then. All I knew was that I had had enough of the self-loathing, the fear, the constant concern over what others might think. Some how in the process I loosed an inner strength that had been bound for as long as I can remember. Who I am today is MASSIVELY different than who I use to be.

I look back on it and realize that all the things that I did were in an effort to discover who I really was inside (from the college courses while still in high school, to show choir, wrestling, being a college DJ, Humanities Club Pres., Assistant Poetry Editor for Weed Magazine, on and on). I had locked a part of me away for so long, I just wanted to know who I was. You know, as I work with people all over the world and as I listen to their lives I see a continuous theme.

I hear things like, I don’t want to sell. I don’t want to talk to anyone I know about this business until I have reached some level of success. I don’t want to make phone calls. I don’t want to do this… and I don’t want to do that.

It all boils down to fear. Fear of all kinds of things, but Rejection is the biggest one. This fear hold us back, and I recognized the limitations I had even back there because of these Fears. Fears of what others think. Which causes Inhibition.

As a sociology Major in College we studied social issues… unfortunately I got sick of focusing on social “problems” and wanted to delve into the cross over between sociology and psychology, more the study of why people do what they do.

Judith mentioned in another post, “I am beginning to realize my blockage(s) lie in fear of failure, and fear of appearing foolish. It was very hard for me to even ask the question here!”

I applaud you Judith for this realization.

My absolute most favorite quote is this, “Life is 10% what happens to us, and 90% how we react to it.”

It is for me a powerful illustration that WE are in control to behave and act as we so choose.

Comments like – “He makes me so mad.” – “I can’t help it if I’m jealous.” These statements just spit on the most powerful of gifts that each of us have, Choice, Free-Agency.

When we see an individual walking down the street with a funny hat, do we think “Wow, what a weirdo!”?

When we see someone walk out with a paper bag with a bottle in it and a stagger, do we think, “What a drunk?”

We find ourselves riddled with fear at the judgments of others… have you ever gone to a Karaoke club? You need to! You’ll see people tossing and turning with the desire to sing… but overcome with fear that others will think they were awful.

I am a big fellow, a 6 foot 1+ inch fellow at 240 Lbs. When you see me in the park with my kids… should I be worried about what people will think as I skip and run and do cart wheels and dance with my children? Should I worry what they think when the time comes for a spat to the bottom? Should I worry if they’ll think I am a good parent or a goof ball?

Should I worry about what my hair or clothes looks like as I go to the grocery late at night for a can of formula because we were out?

Should I worry about posting to a forum such as this, sharing my thoughts with you, because I know my spelling and grammar are not very good? How many of you reading this right now have something to offer… but are afraid someone on this forum may think it is foolish? POST AWAY I SAY! Discard your concerns!

Where does this MADNESS END? We as humans in a societal group are HORRID creatures.

Have you looked at the road sides and the trash that lines it? Who’s fault is that? Oooo this little cigarette butt wont do any harm, this packet of catch-up, this napkin, this pop can… No one is responsible.

Have you looked at the disintegrating family structure and societal values? No one is responsible.

Who creates these social “rules” of how things should look, smell, sound, talk, be written, or be left unsaid?

Who taught us to be this way?

I watched my wife prepare my children today for school. She fussed over them here and there with the utmost of love, tucking in my sons shirt 3 or 4 times, trying to get his hair to stay in some particular configuration she had in mind. She sat there and brushed my 2 older daughters hair, to the point the youngest one cried in pain… just to get the snarls out before they left the house.

Sound familiar? Are we doing these things for the education and betterment of our children or so they will be perceived by society as acceptable? Or so we as parents will be perceived as good parents?

A Shift….

When is it okay to judge? When is it okay to evaluate a situation, determine it shouldn’t happen, and do something about it?

In a recent conversation about the appropriate way to go about “Living a Christ Like Life” I found myself being lectured on the overall concept of Gossip, Forgiveness, and being Judgmental. It’s an interesting topic for me because I spent the better part of my young adulthood and early adulthood not caring about who was or was not Judging me or who was gossiping about me or who was forgiving me for whatever reason.

However, to look at it from the other side. How I perceive others, how I evaluate others… it is an interesting dichotomy.

The point they were making was that we have an Obligation to stop wrongs from happening. For example, if someone is cheating on a test… should we tell the teacher, do nothing, tell everyone else, or talk to the individual. They also mentioned gossip about others, talking badly of others, etc. Their point was that we should go directly to the source. See someone cheating… talk to them.

I had to interrupt them… In the old testament Cain is asked where Able was by God. And Cain said, Am I my brothers keeper? God in essence replied, Yes.

In the new testament, we are taught that judging others is the responsibility of God, and God alone.

Here’s the quandary, I see someone with what “I THINK” is a cheat sheet. Does this impact me or others I am responsible for? Will confronting them accomplish anything? Will I be a better person by “judging” them to be a cheat? What benefit is there to even care what “I Think” I saw?

The fellow telling the story of this cheat went on to mention that the cheat is now a doctor. Additionally, at his recent 20 year reunion he felt hostility (all these many years) toward this fellow. Have you ever worried if your Doctor cheated? Would you want someone to step up to the plate and confront your them about the cheating?

2 people. (a) One might have Cheated 20 years ago. (b) One might have seen him cheat 20 years ago, and as a result might have gotten a lower grade. 20 years are past and person B has lived half his life with guilt and anger over this one incident.

The human mind is a twisted and weird place, while at the same time creating and offering some of the most beautiful and inspirational pieces of work or thought.

Put aside Right and Wrong… or perceptions of Right and Wrong. The biggest questions that come to my mind are:

- Does this affect me and those I am responsible for? (Everyone is your brother/sister)
- Does what I saw matter?
- Is it my job to help them be a better person?
- Is what they do between them and their God/Conscience?

If I see someone run a red light, should I take down their license plate and report it to the police? What if it were your child walking across the cross walk?

If you witnessed a murder you’d want to share everything you knew right? Even if it was done by your child?

We find ourselves on a daily basis riddled with judgment calls, making decisions, checking them against what we understand to be right and wrong.

Quote from about: “we have an obligation to stop wrongs from happening.” Do we?

Some are HARD calls. So, why get hung up on the STUPID little details?

After raising 5 children, my father mentioned to me that the one thing he wishes he had done better was to pick his battles better. This seems to ring very true in this case as well.

If you listen to the theologians of most all religions you will hear them say that in the end the only one whose thoughts matter are those of God, that God alone is our Judge.

This idea should be both frightening and liberating. If man is not my judge why should how I sing on Karaoke Night matter except to me and my God? Why should I fear what others think?

I have often said, to the horror of most who hear it, I don’t care what anyone thinks of me. (I’m not perfect… but that’s my goal… or it was for a long time. My second favorite saying, “What you conceive and believe you will achieve. And what you confess most will come to pass.”)

My wife hears me say that and I remember an exchange where she started crying. She said, “You don’t care what I think?” And I was forced to make an addendum to what I thought was an otherwise perfect solution to stupid social fear.

I do not care what anyone thinks of me, other than those I care about.

And then… how muddled does that sound. Not firm or sure or confident in the least. Riddled with feeling of “I’ll try” and “other than xyz”… exceptions to an other wise PERFECT rule. There is this door that opens and allows some in, while blocking others out. A choice of who I’ll let affect me must be made from time to time, a choice I make.

Yet… I find that I care a great deal about a lot of people. I find myself emotionally invested into people who I have never physically met and yet, I DO care what they think… to an extent.

So, I come full circle in the evolution of self-discovery.

I do care! It drives me to be a better person. Input and constructive criticism build character. The trick is to filter who you will and will not allow to impact your life, to filter constructive and destructive input.

There is one critical element to this whole equation… YOU ARE THE ONE IN CONTROL!

Never fear for the sake of fear itself. Lose the inhibitions you find yourself bound by, by realizing that what others think is irrelevant UNLESS you give them the power. Strangers are NOT people you should give power too! They do not have your best interests in mind. Be careful who you give this power too, because it will dictate how you live your life.

On the Flip side, be careful how you “evaluate” and “categorize” and “judge” others. Be sure your criticism is ALWAYS constructive. You never know if a sideways comment made out of a careless evaluation could damage or hurt another individual and limit their endless potential.

I think we all have GREAT responsibilities to “let go” the things of this world that are trivial from every aspect; let go of your worry about what others think and let go of your need to categorize every person (evaluating their behavior, guessing at their motives).

Phrases like, “Like water off a ducks back” and “pick your battles” come to mind.

How much more simple would life be if you knew everyone in the world lived like that and you lived the same way?

In a recent talk I gave I mentioned 4 things that everyone should keep in mind when doing anything in life.

1- Honesty – Be Honest.
2- Integrity – Be True to what you’ve said and what you believe. (Walk the Talk)
3- Charity – Serve others. Only in the service of others can you find yourself.
4- Kindness – Be Kind. Speak only good of others, do only good to others.

I am not perfect. I only know of one man who ever was. However, these are the 4 things I try to do. Again, I’m not perfect… I can only say that at the end of each day, I have strived to be the best person I could be.

Simplicity is often taken for granted. It seems the more complex something is the more valuable it becomes; the more buttons, the more features, the more options, the more additions… it even extends to size, the bigger something is the more important it must be. Have you seen the remote controls they have these days? All in one for DVD player, VCR, Cable Box, TV, and Radio/CD player… Have you ever seen some of those corporate contracts? It seems they keep getting longer. I remember when Non-Disclosure agreements were just 1 or 2 pages, but today it seems that they are 5-7 pages long.

Wooo… have you seen the forms you have to fill out at the doctors office? Sheesh… I haven’t even heard of some of those things they ask you if you’ve had. LOL!

Complexity in my opinion is over rated!

“Get simple,” I say! Get simple!

You’ve heard K.I.S.S. Everyone has… But it just seems to go right in and right out of peoples heads. We’ll I want it to stick! I say, “Be a H.I.C.K.”

There is NOTHING more simple than being honest. I didn’t say easy… I said simple. Some times the simplest of things seem the hardest to do. If you never tell a lie, you don’t have to remember who you told what to when.

Maintaining ones integrity is simple. Simply do what you say you are going to do! Hold fast to the core values that are defined by your inner self.

Serving others is simple, service is the purest form of charity. Helping others, mentoring others, teaching others are all forms of service. Some times just taking a few extra minutes to show someone you are interested in them and care about them can be the most simple way to serve others. Mother Teresa lived a simple life of service and while her selfless and life long commitment to service took her places many would never go, we have opportunities for service each day as we work with others. It’s just about going ‘The Extra Mile.”

Being kind is simple. This is perhaps the hardest of all… doing someone right when they’ve done you wrong… that’s true kindness. It’s easy to be nice to someone that’s nice to you. Try being kind to someone who has taken advantage of you or hurt you in some way.

A “Hick” is someone with a simple mind and is often meant derogatory when used. I intend to change that! I am PROUD to be a Hick! Being a Hick takes thinking simply and the most simple way to live is:

Through Honesty (H)
With Integrity (I)
Showing Charity (C)
Being Kind (K)

I invite you to make a commitment today to be a H.I.C.K. with me!

Learn more about Mel Atwood at: http://www.MelAtwood.com

Today wasn’t at all very good. You know as hard as you might try to do business above the surface… try to 100% play it straight, fair, and honest… now and again it becomes maddening when others don’t do the same thing.

More to come…